PRESS PLAY > >

Bonjour there lovely bloggers! Well, like I've previously stated before, I am in firm belief that not many people come across my worded ramblings. If anything, none might ever come across reading this post--but regardless, I have to be honest, I use this whole blog spot as a sort of personal interweb journal. It's a mini personal time-capsule I'll be able to look back upon someday. Of course, I have actual journals--many, in fact. but, heck. Why not have more than one thought capturing connection? So, I haven't posted much here in a while, and it's mainly--nope, it's A L L due to the fact that I am in lack of an internet connection at home. Hard economic times come with their consequences. Okay, things aren't that bad, but if little things such as saving some cash from canceling a monthly Time Warner Internet bill can help, it's only reasonable to do so. Straying away from the whole economic bull-shit topic; I'm actually at a library right now. Yes, my first young adult visit to a public library. And by first young adult visit, I mean--I drove here in my own car, legally--with the driving license I finally received in the mail this past week. It's my day off from work, and the library is one of the few ideal places that comes to mind in terms of relaxation and entertainment. It feels good, that bit taste of independence. I'm growing, and the more I grow, the more I'll be able to do stuff on my own. That's a no-brainer of course. It's all a bit nerve-wrecking to me sometimes. Most times, actually. There are mornings where I wake up, and I have to remind myself to breath. It is all coming and going so fast--life. It's like this swift chaotic blur. Once upon a time I was this child eating macaroni kid cuisine dinners while lying down on the living-room carpet, watching back-to-back episodes of Lizzie McGuire. and now I'm this young woman who graduated high school a year ago, goes to college, pays for her own gas, and has no idea how to follow her list of impossible dreams. The carpet from the living-room has been replaced with tile, Disney Channel no longer airs Lizzie McGuire, and this past Sunday I seen the first sign of actual aging on my dad--a bald spot is forming on the back of his head full of hair, and I really don't know how that should make me feel. I mean, I don't exactly feel crappy or anything, but I feel sort of stuck. That's not even a fitting word for what I feel, actually. It's pretty damn indescribable. All these thoughts and emotions run in-and-through me, and the most I can do about them is just sit here at this lovely silent library and type.
Type away, as if that could somehow change something.
 I wonder, what will life be like tomorrow? The next day?

Forty-one years and twenty-nine days from now?
 and will I still feel this anxious?

Time will tell. Time tells all---
and that's what keeps me on the edge.