Tuesday, August 23, 2011

not that you asked.



I'm inside my cozy 'negrito' aka my mini black Ford Focus, parked in front of my usual chill spot Starbucks. My black and white baby doll shoes are off, I could feel some crumbs on the sole of my feet (I really need to stop eating drive-thru food in here), my windows are rolled down, there's a noisy motorcycle a few parking spots away from me, my lap-top is starting to feel warm atop my legs, and I'm currently listening to a jam called "Waste" by a band (which I hope you've heard of by now) called 'Foster The People'. They're gonna be in concert at a local-ish theater in a few months, I think I might just have to metro my way to and fro. (oh yes, I just said "to and fro".) Well, I feel absolutely ashamed and guilty of not spending as much time as I feel I should (and genuinely want to) on here. Actually, now that I think of it, I haven't really written much anywhere. Not in my journals, notebooks, work-receipts. Gah! I know, I must stop!
I vow to give more of me to the things I love, and blogging + writing = my two true loves. Speaking of love, how ironic is it that a song called "Love" just started playing right now? Very, right. Speaking of, since we've now shifted on that topic, I've yet to find any "love" compatibility with another. BUT, yes, the big BUT--I'm not worrying about it. As incredible as having a lover may be, I've come to this sort of acceptance that romance just isn't in my cards, at least not at this point and time in my life. Along with this acceptance, I've also concluded a theory. Perhaps, it is possible to be romantically and passionately involved with 'objects', just as it is with humans. So, it's safe to say, I'm absolutely taken. I'm in love with music, and literature, words, dreams, my aspirations, and nature. I always have been. Feelings I've had for certain people have faded, sad to say, but true. Relationships I've had, and friendships--they've lessened, some even to the point of disappearance. This unfortunately is a part of life, it happens--chances are these sort of things will always happen. but I don't fear sorrowfulness, for truly in my heart I believe that God put these 'objects' in life to help complete those hearts who don't necessarily have another heart to rely on. Music is my second heartbeat, poetry is my best friend, nature is my hope, notebooks are my listeners, and my dreams are my reminders to keep moving forward. I may find it someday. That fleshed "soulmate" may appear out of the blue when I least expect it, and I'll be absolutely grateful and appreciative when that day happens--but as for now, I'm still a full-hearted gal. and I'm trying my best, and loving every single little minute of my ever-fleeting relationshiped (if that's even a word?) life.

No comments:

Post a Comment