It's Friday, 3:59 PM. It's finally starting to feel like Autumn. I cannot explain to you how happy that makes me feel. I haven't been on here as much as I used to or as much as I'd want to. I've promised myself to make more of an effort on spending time on the things I enjoy. I have a puppy now, her name is Marley. I know what you're thinking, Marley of all names? But yes, my nephews decided on Marley, so Marley it is. I love my nephews, and I love Marley, too. I'm listening to Sixty-Forty by Nico. God, I love that woman. Her voice is fucking ridiculous...too cool, it's almost unfair. My boyfriend said "I love you" to me a few days ago. It was so alien to me, I didn't know how to react. Truth is, intimacy and emotions freak me the fuck out. Relationships are just as horrid as they are lovely. I'd like to believe I love him, too. I'd like to believe I am capable of loving. My passion are words, sound,  and books. It's my sisters baby-shower tomorrow, sort of dreading it and looking forward to it all at once. Dreading it because I've been feeling those nervous shitty anxiety feelings I get, again. Feeling those feelings around people, especially around people you actually want to be around, can be quite a shit thing to deal with. You have to put up this front and greet and smile, when all you really want to do is go to the park, smoke a cigarette and cry. I hate putting up fronts. Hate it. But at times, it's just necessary. And the looking forward to it part, well, I'm looking forward to my sister with a smile. 
It's funny how that works. How you put aside yourself just to see a person you love smile.