It's you, and everybody knows but you.

"A genuine love for people will get you where you're going."

You're the best thing that's happened to me since 1959.

Nine-teen-sixty-seven, and an aero-plane ticket to Berlin.
I need a time machine.

give me wings to fly.
give me forever.

I don't promise you rose gardens,
or acrylic rainbows of gold.
but I'll be patient and diligent,
and cherish you each day more.

give me summer days on winter nights.
will me, despite my silly faults.
trust me, reach for me.

mind, soul, heart, and sight.
breath me in, live in me.

give me wings.
give me forever.

aimless feelings.
exposed spine.
inattentive reasoning.
indefinite cry.
stay with me,
I'm yours.

sil vous plait,
parlez-moi d'amour. 

This song makes me feel like everything is going to be okay,

even when it already is.

Perhaps my taste (in generally all things) is odd,
sometimes to the extent of creepy.
But at least it's not boring.
If my taste were a scoop of ice cream,
your tongue wouldn't be left flavorless and dull. 

My journals and notebooks think otherwise.

The first words to ever stutter out of my mouth were in Spanish, 

and it's something I'm eternally grateful for. 

Having the ability to grasp the beauty of this song in its entirety is one of those many reasons.

I've decided (as silly as it may come off) that if ever I have a daughter in my settled future, her middle name shall be Valentina. 

I'm the most un-timely person I've ever met.

There's something about scruffy looking men...

that I find (oh, so) appealing. 

I am somewhat in-love with this film.

Correction, I am utterly in love with this film.

If you've yet to watch Submarine, my only question for you is:

what in the deep-blue sea are you waiting for?

I'm a poet at heart.

I'm a believer of love,

I believe that love can change the world one heart-beat at a time.

Nick Drake's voice makes me feel a calm beyond my own understanding.

Pimples are so annoying, I wish they didn't exist.

Zooey Deschanel is beautifully talented,
and deserves all the recognition she's getting.
Envious losers who think otherwise can suck it, and see!
(Only Arctic Monkey fans can see what I just did there.)

I for one happen to enjoy watching PBS.
In fact, I've been quite obsessed with Downton Abbey lately.

I'm infatuated with sticky notes, they are taking over my desk space!

Thrifty ice cream is the best, especially on cold January days.

"Too Little Too Late" by Department of Eagles, give it a listen.

I still can't believe I actually went to New York City,
one of my dreams come true.

Sometimes, I like closing my eyes and just taking myself back there.

Back to the endless Avenues, back to those restless nights,
The nights where I stayed up looking out the hotel rooms window.
Rainy nights, silent streets filled with movement,
larger than life buildings renounced after a day of endless bustling.
The star-replacing lights, foreign voices, foreign faces,
Central Park, Bryant Park, MOMA...
it all exists much too vividly in my memory ---

My mum's on her way home, 

Chinese take-out it is.

I've been obsessed with Drew Barrymore for quite some time already.

In fact, I adore her so much, I actually bought two issues of her cover on NYLON back in 2010.

One is displayed as decor on my wall, the other saved in my sacred NYLON shelf.

She is just amazing! It would be a dream come true to meet her someday ♥

happy people don't complain (too often.)

I guess there is no self-truth to be avoided, I've been a lonely cat quite most my life. And I'm not complaining about it either. To be honest, I at times find peace in solitude. I'm not like completely anti-social or anything, I do have friends, only a few whom I consider to be actual. I'm very family-oriented, and I adore spending as much time with my family as possible. but I've never had that certain friendship, that certain connection with another human being. At least, I've never had such feeling of it. I feel much more connected to the words of Federico Garcia Lorca and Thomas Merton than I probably ever have with people I've known half my life. I've never truly had that one group of friends to build endless memories with and share extraordinary dreams with, or even just that one friend that I could go to with all my angst rants, silliness, bizarre ideas, and joy. I've never been able to open up and give my all to someone, or perhaps I've been able, but it just hasn't happened. The right person hasn't come along, but odd enough I'm still hopeful. Either it be a friendship, or a relationship...I want it. I want to share my thoughts, heart, and soul with another just as I want that someone to equally share their thoughts, heart, and soul with me as well. I have so much more to offer than I put forth on display, as non-sensed as that may sound. I'd let down all my barriers for the right person, without hesitation I thoroughly and genuinely would. From experienced observation, many people just use each other out of selfishness...they get bored, they want fun, they want somebody to talk to, so they phone up the same ol' person, or the next available contact to fill-up that minor disturbing void. They title it "friendship" but the majority of the time it's complete bullshit. I know that sounds a bit harsh, and I'm not really one to openly state such matters, but it's true. And I just can't follow that, I don't want to be a part of that. If I invite someone for a chat-over-coffee, it's cos I sincerely want just that, I want to see that person and have an actual conversation. I want to hear as much from them just as much as I want to share with them. If I invite someone to go with me to a party, it's because I genuinely want to have a good time with that person, not just for the mundane reason of not wanting to arrive alone. Sometimes I come off rather stand-offish, stuck-up even...but it's not that, it's just--it's difficult to explain. It's everything but that...it's rather simple actually. I just want sincerity. Sincerity is really all I ask for. And I'm not insinuating that I'm some sort of angelic gal, for in caught-up moments I too have shared moments of dishonesty and misleading gossip, but it's not something I'd do intentionally. I could never purposely hurt someone, be disloyal, dishonest...I could never use somebody for my own self-revolved reasons. And I don't plan on it, the more distance from that, the better. but I don't always want to be a one man wolf pack either (yes, hangover reference.) I'm just in hope for that true life-changing friendship/relationship...I'm diligently and patiently waiting for it. I know God has it all planned out and arranged. And I'm both anxious and excited for that day to come in bloom. And the day it does, all of these things (things being a sum-up of many dealt with aspects) will have been, will be worth it.
 That much I know.

That much I have to hold onto for now. 

Women are so kick-ass. 

O b s e s s i o n s .

Is it healthy? normal? natural? alright? significant? pointless? We all have one at some point in out lives. In some cases, many. Either it be with an object (those pair of Doc Martens you spent half your paycheck on, that Fleetwood-Mac record you bargained at the flea-market, etc.) or in deeper connotation, emotion-driven obsessions. You know, like that one almost-embarrassing-to-tell obsession you had over that one guy from your third period English class your junior year in high school, or that one strange obsession you had over that one quiet ivory-skinned girl with the faded blue hair that you'd encounter on your weekly visits to the public library. You don't know why, or how, but it's there. That deep interest, acknowledgment, the continual thought-revolve over that object, that person, that feeling. It's there. More present than the clouds above you. How do obsessions start their ignition of taking place in our lives, where do they derive from? Interests, emotions, beliefs, obsessions...their come-and-go formations are so tangible, and so out of reach at the same time. but does that even matter? One doesn't necessarily know the exact day, minute, and second that one falls in love with another, but we know that it was in-between those days, minutes, and seconds that lead you there. You can't quite recall the reason why you stopped believing in saints, or why you stopped writing of specific topics, it just happened, and that's what it is. I guess the same goes for these secretive, much too loud, world-renounced obsessions? Where I end and you begin...both equally bound to the static of obsession. It's 1:15 AM, I'm obsessed with the time of night. I'm obsessed with words, and sounds. I'm obsessed with the thought of many things...life, death, dreams, time, love. I'm obsessed with how a mass amount of complexity can be withheld by a simple organ-ed structure. I'm obsessed with red lipstick and my currently thrifted Marc by Marc Jacobs monster truck tee. It's 1:26 AM, and I'm both resoundingly and antonymous-ly obsessed.

Point of views are much too intriguing.
Especially those displayed on You-Tube.

"This song makes me feel like I am a jellyfish floating in a murky green ocean. 

Just floating peacefully...Until a man catches me and uses my poison to irritate his nips. 
Mmmm, he likes the pain that I inflict upon him 
And indeed I enjoy being the catalyst of such pain. 
He moans in ecstasy as my slimy film covers his abdomen 
And I squirm in delight in the thought of him dying because of my grotesque body mechanics. 
Die you ignorant sailor. When he is dead---I melt into the Earth."

- shogun1556.

Will you marry me when you are seventy? You'd have nothing to lose. 

I'm not a lesb, but if there were ever such opportunity,
I'd marry Laura Marling in a heart-beat.

All of this. All of this, I want.

So, I was going through my time-capsule of a diary, 

and I came across this poem I'd written during my senior year in high school.

Not too shabby, I'd say.

"I'm waiting to know you, 

wanting to show you,

hesitating to hold you...

Oh, hidden face.


Attentive for your words,

indulgent for your thoughts,

suppressed by your sweet charm,

Much too far away.


Oh, I think you're great!

but you wander, as I wait...

the clock begins to synchronize a melodious pace.


I don't mind if dusk turns to dawn,

while April turns to May.

It doesn't phase me-

time, change, life...

diligent I remain.



Yet all in all,

I can't retrieve to question,

an answer that isn't mine to claim.

Steady going,

Steady come,

Why

Must

Love

Delay?"

note(s) to self.

One: Buy a new camera.

Two: take pictures of everything, capture your youth!

Three: talk to more people, give more 'high fives'.

Four: get more involved in church and school activities.

Five: dye your hair blue, or orange. go hair wild!

Six: fall in love. get heartbroken. have a romance, or two.

Seven: go to every desired concert as much as possible!
(starting off with: Cut Copy, Cults, RADIOHEAD, Laura Marling, etc.)

Eight: Buy a new-old record player!

Nine: roadtrip around California, starting off with San Francisco.

Ten: Do things that make Y-O-U  h a p p y.

Deux of my current modern style icons include:

Alexa Chung (of course) et Mademoiselle Pandora.

Not only are they lovely, hip, eccentric, and intelligent,

they are both incredibly bad-ass. (and British.)

Save the last dance.

The Dance 

"I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

"Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.

"Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when
you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that
help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently
loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make
my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have
too high a price, let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, 'Yes!'

Just take my hand and dance with me."

- Oriah, Mountain Dreamer.

I want a relationship just like this.

You're spilling sentiment like drops of rain
Your faint lips purring like a cat
I feel uneasy but not neglected
A matter of life, a midnight drive.

You please the trees with your lost mind
Your eyes like fields of estranged signs
This silence will never take you home.

And you cannot sleep, neither can I
Sleep will not come, my tongue turns dry
Hold me tenderly, make me cry
Life remains diligent underneath these crimsoned eyes.

Invierno taps among the dashboard
Impatient time passing us by
Our limbs gradually shred to pieces
Ruminative starry night.

let your heart

listen for you.

"I believe in manicures. 
I believe in primping at leisure and wearing lipstick. 
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. 
I believe in kissing, kissing a lot.
 I believe in being strong 
when everything seems to be going wrong. 
I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. 
I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles." 

- Audrey Hepburn

nights are so long, always too short.
Oh, nights.

Have your cup of tea, and get over it, honey.

"I think I'm more comfortable 
in my voice than in my skin."

- lykke li.